A mum of 2 trying to stay sane in an overly airbrushed world.

Thursday, 16 August 2018

Running Nowhere Fast

I started running 14 weeks ago. Previous running experience? A few badly trained for 5ks and a lone 10k which I definitely didn’t train to complete...

Prior to this 4 month running spree I would have told you I’d rather have had chemotherapy than run (this is now not wholly true) I’d now rather have chemo than run anywhere for longer than 40 minutes! Looking at the positives this is a marginal improvement.

My husband reminds me that 14 weeks ago I was struggling with the 1 minute run sections of couch to 5k - this is entirely true, so why do I feel so horrendously useless that getting past 40 minutes is an impossible dream at the moment?!

I’ve assessed my running ‘goals’ and it’s hard to really know what I want...

  1. Do I want a fast time? 
  2. Do I want to prove I can run a set distance?
  3. Am I just trying to run without walking for the longest time possible? 
  4. Do I just want to enjoy it?
  5. Do I want it to feel easy?
  6. Do I want to be fitter?
  7. Do I just want to lose weight?
The easy answer is I want all of those things... my mind is niggled with annoyance when I run:

  • Why do my split times not get any quicker EVER?
  • Why am I struggling to do distances I was able to do 6 weeks ago?
  • Why have I not improved a PB, when I’m putting so much time in?
I really felt I achieved something with couch to 5k, this 5k to 10k slog is just making me feel useless.

The only thing that keeps me going so readily (religiously 3 times a week) is the absolute fear that if I miss a run and it snowballs into me stopping altogether then it will be too hard to restart from day 1 all over again. 

1 week on from when I wrote the above and things haven’t improved; I took things back to basics - ditched the Nike running app, switched off all voice indicators when  running and just tried to run a route without stopping and still had to walk about 20 mins in FFS!! I can do it - I have done it but for some reason achieving a 6.5km run with no stops has totally knocked my mind out of the game. So I did what any normal struggling ‘athlete’ would and I signed up for a 10km in 3 weeks time! Lovely. Jubbly. 

I have no plan; I’m just hoping that I knock some sense into my self and regain the mental strength to just keep going instead of making myself walk!! The real irony of this whole blog is that I run/walk my distances quicker than if I just straight run them! WHAT IS THAT ALL ABOUT??!! 

Any tips or ideas greatly welcomed...I have 24 days to get my running mojo back! 

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